Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Grumpy Hobbit

I have been surprised at how much of an introvert I’ve become since Liam was born. Well, it might have actually started a few months before he was born. I didn’t really go through a “nesting” phase, but I did start wanting to just be home. This is new to me because I’m usually looking for the next fun thing to do and always find excuses to leave the house, even if its just to go to Target. But something shifted and I’m finding myself loving my time with my little family and not having much of a desire to socialize.

This new disposition has come with its share of consequences and I continually feel like I’m disappointing my friends when I don’t reach out. A dear friend recently had a baby and we’ve e-mailed a whole lot but I have only talked to her once on the phone. Its like I can’t bring myself to interact. It doesn’t feel like post-partum depression or anything, I don’t feel depressed at all, I just don’t feel like talking to people! This is especially true because I’m “on” a lot at work, particularly on Sundays. After smiling and running around and hugging kids and giving the lesson, I’m ready to crawl in a hole with my family by the time I get home.

I think one of the reasons for the way I feel is that I want to just soak up every second with Liam. I waited a long time for this little guy and love every second with him, every kiss, every smile (and he smiles a lot!), his little toes, his fat little tummy, the way he flaps his arms when I unwrap him after a nap. I can’t get enough of him! My heart swells when I think about how much I love him. Another reason I think I’m content at home is because it takes a lot of work to get out! Just timing Liam’s feedings, naps, bedtime, etc. is exhausting when you’re trying to fit it in to an outing. It makes you reevaluate if you really want to leave the house or not!

I’m afraid this post is sounding like I’ve become a grumpy hobbit. I hope I haven’t. Its just that I’ve noticed how much more content I am at home when I used to look for reasons to get out of the house and play with friends.

1 comment:

Ness said...

Court-remember when everyone told you "everything changes when you have a baby"? This is one of those changes and as parents, most of us have been there and understand. Those who aren't can usually at least deal without making too much of a complaint. And don't worry, you may want get back out there-diaper bag, pack-n-play in tow-soon enough. Besides, I remember our families being "all about us" and we are definitely better people and parents for it! So, for now, enjoy being a mama and your new family! They grow up super fast! Rest assured your true friends will always be there when you are ready.