Monday, June 27, 2011


I’ve discovered or re-discovered a few things in the past weeks.

1. The first or second night home with Liam, I was up feeding him in the middle of the night. I could not believe how much I love this kid and how I would do anything for him for the rest of my life. But then I thought about my own mom. How she was sitting up in the middle of the night thirty years ago thinking the same thing. It dawned on me that my mom feels the same way about me. She shows me her love every day, but it was really clear to me when I was sitting there, staring at Liam. There is a special bond between a mom and her children.

2. Liam is usually great in the car, either happily looking around or snoozing. But the other day, he was so tired and just cried and cried on the way home from a friend’s house. He had never done that in the car before and I was beyond stressed out by my poor little guy being so tired and sad. Liam loves my singing (the only person in the world who does!), so I started singing “Jesus Loves Me” to him. I just kept singing it over and over and suddenly the mood in the car shifted. I listened to the words of the song. I had been singing it to Liam- letting him know that Jesus loves him. But I realized that Jesus loves me too. I had forgotten. Liam was still crying, nothing had changed, but everything had changed in a moment.

3. I can’t do this alone. Kyle and I are a team and we work so much better as a team. Its very hard for me to ask for help. Not just the “will you bring me my water” kind of help, but the “I need you” kind of help. Being home with Liam has been wonderful and I have cherished my time with him. But some days, after spending all night and all day with him, I really look forward to Kyle coming home so I can talk to an adult and just sit next to him. I need him to help with Liam and give me a break, but I also just need him to be near. And for some reason, that is really hard to say.

There are other things I wish I had learned during this time. “Don’t sweat the small stuff” is top of that list. I think I’ve gotten better at it in some ways. It doesn’t bother me when I get sprayed with pee or if Liam poops in his diaper 1.7 seconds after I change it. But there are other things I wish I could just roll with (like the whole eating every three hours thing from yesterday’s post. Incidentally, he’s been eating every three hours today- ha!). I want to be one of those moms that doesn’t get ruffled and I feel like I fail at that half the time. I know I’m new at this and Liam is new at this, so there is room to grow. I’ve never been very laidback to begin with, so this is a goal to strive toward. I’m not looking to turn into a wavy haired surfer that says things like “right on” and just seems to wander wherever she is. But I want to be able to take a step back and determine if something is really worth the time I spend stewing over it.

These two pictures are from last Sunday when Liam got baptized!

Sunday, June 26, 2011


*Disclaimer: I keep wanting to find things to write about that are not baby-centered but I can’t come up with anything. I didn’t want to be one of those people who can talk about nothing but their baby. But I spend all day and all night feeding, burping, changing and loving Liam so he’s naturally going to be the main topic of this blog in the foreseeable future.

The book, Babywise, is in my head. I read it when I was pregnant and even typed up several pages of notes on it, if that gives you an insight into my personality. I wanted to read everything I could before Liam was born so I’d be prepared. It’s a good book (but I like Baby Whisperer better) and there are some points I really like:
~ Make sure baby gets a full feeding every time so he’s not just snacking and wanting to eat again in 20 minutes (missing the “hindmilk” if he doesn’t nurse long enough).
~ Follow a pattern of Eat, Awake Time, Sleep so they can get used to going to sleep on their own and not expect to be nursed to sleep when they are toddlers.

But the book says that Baby should be eating every three hours during the day and that’s where my problem lies. Liam has been eating every 2 or 2.5 hours during the day. But the books says he should eat every THREE hours. I’m a pretty structured person, so when someone says three hours, I expect three hours. But in this case, A+B is not equaling C and its gotten to me! I keep making declarations that I won’t worry about the clock and just feed him when he’s hungry. But then I start looking at the clock again. Kyle and I react to the three-hour suggestion differently:

My reaction- “Liam’s hungry. What time is it? Oh, no, its only been 2 hours and thirty minutes! Maybe I can hold him off with the pacifier. Its supposed to be three hours and its only been 2 hours and thirty minutes. The pacifier isn’t working. But it supposed to be three hours and now its only been 2 hours and thirty-one minutes!” This is what goes through my head each time.

Kyle’s reaction- “Liam’s hungry? Well feed him.”

I wish I could unwind my brain. I want to write a book on infants. This is what it will say:

Feed Baby when he’s hungry, change his diaper when its dirty, and love the socks off him.
The End

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Birth Day

Its been one month since Liam came into the world! I love this kid so much and am amazed at how much love I had for him the first second I saw him.

Liam’s due date was May 9. For five weeks, the doctor had been saying he could come “any time” because I was 2cm dilated and 70% effaced. That is not the thing to say to a miserable pregnant woman- especially when the baby keeps not coming any time!

We went for our regular checkup on Liam’s due date and set an appointment for the next week. If he didn’t come by then, we’d set a date to induce. The next morning, I woke up at 3:00am with contractions every 6 minutes. That lasted for about two hours and then the contractions got sporadic, some were 3 minutes apart, some were 11. That went on for about two more hours. I called in to work, saying I “wasn’t feeling well” and that I wasn’t coming in. I didn’t want to say I’d been having contractions in case they stopped!

Finally, the contractions started coming consistently 3-5 minutes apart. We stayed at home for about 3 more hours and then headed to the hospital, checking in at noon and my mom met us up there. When we checked in, I was 4cm dilated. I labored until 4:00pm and then decided to get an epidural at 7cm. It was the best decision of my life! I had planned on trying to do an un-medicated birth but I’m so glad I did the epidural after all. After the epidural, my blood pressure dropped to 80/45 so they gave me a shot of something that started with an “e” and gave me oxygen. This happened twice but wasn’t really alarming (not sure if I should have been alarmed).

At 8:00pm, I started to push and the nurse said the baby would be here by 8:30 or 9:00! I needed Kyle and my mom there the whole time, but it was during the pushing that I was so thankful for them. They were perfect. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Kyle was feeding me ice chips like in the movies and both of them helped me with each push. I am so blessed.

Liam finally came at 10:09pm (not 8:30 or 9:00 like they said!) and I was flooded with such love for him the second I saw him. The doctor put him up on my chest and I was laughing, Kyle and Liam were crying. Liam kept touching my face. I know he didn’t have muscle control but he kept reaching up and touching my face and I was in love.

The took Liam for a little while and weighed him and cleaned him up, but it was all done in the delivery room so Kyle stood by him and I watched from the bed while the doctor cleaned me up.

As I look back, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it was all worth it. When Liam arrived, it was a holy moment, one I will never forget.