Thursday, October 30, 2008

Enjoy Life

My mom and I went out to California to stay with my grandpa when he was dying of cancer four years ago. His last coherent words with me are etched in my brain and on my heart. I expected him to advise me on spiritual matters, as he had been a pastor for 50+ years. I expected him to tell me to read my Bible more, work harder, pray more, do more. Instead, he said, “Courtney, enjoy life.” Enjoy Life.

Grandpa somehow knew what I needed to hear. And it wasn’t a rant on needing to try harder and do better. He knew that I do enough of that. That I wear my shoulders like earrings, always tense, never relaxed. That I try to police the universe, and I worry about what strangers think of me. What’s this about enjoying life?!

As I have mulled over his words for months and years now, I have wondered what it means to enjoy life. How does one go about enjoying life? Are there steps to follow in order, or do you just do it in one big hurdle? And should the word "hurdle" really be associated with enjoying life? I don’t think so.

I understand that we all have responsibilities but I want to learn how to live my life, staying accountable to the things I must do, and at the same time Enjoy Life. It’s not like I don’t enjoy life. I enjoyed picking apples and making billions of apple pies, apple cakes, apple anything and everything. I enjoy spending time with our new friends from church. I really enjoy Thursdays when The Office and 30 Rock are on.

But I think it’s more than that. It’s something deep inside that needs to change. And unfortunately, I haven’t found the switch to flip. So I am journeying to try and get the most out of this life. The most out of today. Tomorrow is too far away to worry about. So I take baby steps today and I hope to somehow spread joy and hope to the people I rub shoulders with.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Baby's First Blog

As my 28th birthday approaches, I've decided it's high time I started a blog. Of course, I've had my reservations: who would want to read what I write, what if I don't keep up with it? But I've thrown caution to the wind and created a blog.

The title of my blog is In the Meantime, which has been a theme for my life the past few years. Along with most Americans, I have the propensity to always be looking forward to what is next in my life and I don’t appreciate where I am right now.

As it goes, we can’t wait to get out of high school and go on to college. We rush through college, eager to enter the “real world.” We feel like we won’t be happy until we’re married. And then on to fulfillment through kids, a good job, a better job, or fill in the blank: whatever it is that will make our lives complete. But what would happen if we found ourselves complete in the meantime? How would our lives look if we found meaning and fulfillment and purpose in our everyday activities, tasks, and responsibilities? How would my life look if I found meaning and fulfillment and purpose in my everyday activities, tasks, and responsibilities?

I find myself living in a perpetual 'meantime' in so many ways. This blog will document my journey of living in the meantime.