Thursday, March 22, 2012

"I'll Take Care of It"

I sat out on the back patio yesterday afternoon, for the few brief moments that the sun came out, soaking up Vitamin D and praying. I have been feeling burdened lately about our family’s finances. We’re doing okay now and I am proud of how we budget our money. But I was worrying a lot about how we’ll do when we have another kid. I do imaginary budget cuts in my head and try to figure out how we’ll make it with another kid or two. There’s a lot of planning that needs to happen. No, we’re not pregnant, but Kyle and I both would like more kids, and, well, I’m a planner.

It’s been very hard to trust God with our finances. I felt very independent, before we got married, and it’s hard to trust God, let alone another person, with how much money we make and what to spend it on. All that to say, I’ve spent too much time worrying.

I get irritated by the “do not worry” verses in Matthew 6 and Luke 12. Worrying is what I do. How will things get done if I’m not there to monitor the process?! Those verses have never made sense to me because I don’t know how to turn the worry switch off. I asked God what I’m supposed to do about that, and, to my surprise, he answered me. I immediately had a memory flash into my mind:

It was the week before our wedding in Wilmore, Kentucky. The planning had gone incredible smoothly, except for the reception catering. We were having the reception at a hotel in Lexington, and the blasted caterer had not returned my calls. We were supposed to have set the menu two weeks prior to the wedding and I had been calling her. Every day. For two weeks. I was beyond frustrated. I was furious. This was the only thing I freaked out about during the whole planning process, so I did it up big. I remember calling my mom as I was driving up Jessamine Station Road from Kyle’s house to our new apartment. It was a Friday night and I vented at how mad I was at the caterer and how she was making my life miserable. I think my mom laughed. She said, “Ok. I’ll take care of it.” And she did. Mom, being the Fixer of All Things Broken, had it taken care of the next day. Menu picked and set in stone. I don’t know who she talked to or how she got a hold of the right people, but I had nothing to worry about because Mom had taken care of it. At the reception the next weekend, we had the most wonderful food I’ve ever had at a reception: crab legs, prime rib, Caesar salad in cute little martini glasses, fruit plates and an endless chocolate fountain. It was all so delicious (And yes, I ate our reception. I highly recommend it!). The best part was, I hadn’t had to give it another thought after Mom took care of it.

And then it hit me. God was telling me, “I’ll take care of it.” He might have even laughed a little, too. I wanted to tell him, “but, wait, let me give you my stipulations first” but I resisted. God is bigger than our Excel sheet budget. The Bible says he owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He has been so faithful in my life. Time and again. Why would he not be faithful now? So, on our back patio yesterday, I handed it over to God. I asked him to take care of my family and our future, the way Mom had taken care of the reception catering. He has a good future planned for us. And I am choosing to trust him with it.