Thursday, October 30, 2008

Enjoy Life

My mom and I went out to California to stay with my grandpa when he was dying of cancer four years ago. His last coherent words with me are etched in my brain and on my heart. I expected him to advise me on spiritual matters, as he had been a pastor for 50+ years. I expected him to tell me to read my Bible more, work harder, pray more, do more. Instead, he said, “Courtney, enjoy life.” Enjoy Life.

Grandpa somehow knew what I needed to hear. And it wasn’t a rant on needing to try harder and do better. He knew that I do enough of that. That I wear my shoulders like earrings, always tense, never relaxed. That I try to police the universe, and I worry about what strangers think of me. What’s this about enjoying life?!

As I have mulled over his words for months and years now, I have wondered what it means to enjoy life. How does one go about enjoying life? Are there steps to follow in order, or do you just do it in one big hurdle? And should the word "hurdle" really be associated with enjoying life? I don’t think so.

I understand that we all have responsibilities but I want to learn how to live my life, staying accountable to the things I must do, and at the same time Enjoy Life. It’s not like I don’t enjoy life. I enjoyed picking apples and making billions of apple pies, apple cakes, apple anything and everything. I enjoy spending time with our new friends from church. I really enjoy Thursdays when The Office and 30 Rock are on.

But I think it’s more than that. It’s something deep inside that needs to change. And unfortunately, I haven’t found the switch to flip. So I am journeying to try and get the most out of this life. The most out of today. Tomorrow is too far away to worry about. So I take baby steps today and I hope to somehow spread joy and hope to the people I rub shoulders with.

1 comment:

kristina said...

ah courtney.. good post. and as you posed the question 'who will read this blog?' I will! (in case you are confused by the last name, it used to be farabough!) :)

hope all is well